Back in the days.

6 years ago, this was my standing ground. A place where i type about depression, a place where i talk about what happen to me during the period of time when i'm consider to be at my lowest. YES, happy things do happen to me from time to time. But it's the bad things that happen to me which overshadowed everything. I never knew what i was going after. I was just trying to fit in. That was all i was doing. Fitting in was hard but I was trying.

 

High school was a bad place for me. But it's not all that bad. Good friends that lived through the few years of high school with me. Guys that was truly sincere to me. Guys that was, i know sometimes if i call them for help, they'll be there. Meeting up from time to time, they are brothers that i can count on sometimes.

I think my life took a turn, when i started to meet peoples that i know are genuine. They care about you as much as you care about them. Form 6 was the turning point. I met people that gave me hope that there are friends that caring and won't leave you when you need them the most. Friendship is always bonded by different values and depending on how we see those values, we get friends that are supportive, caring and best of all carry you with them when you're down. I got to step back up and see the world in a different view. 

These people are the peeps that i hope the best for them. Peoples that i know no matter where they are, they'll remember you and cherish you as you are once a part of they life journey and will always be their friends. It's the thoughts that always counts. 

 “Good friends care for each other…close friends understand each other, but TRUE FRIENDS stay forever…beyond words, beyond distance, beyond time…!” Many of us have friends in our lives over the years. Some friends we make as children and then lose contact as we grow older. Other friends we make as adults and stay in touch with as long as we are in close proximity to and it is convenient to keep in touch but then over time one moves away or busy schedules slowly pull us apart and we start to lose touch.  Those friendships fall into the “good friends” or “close friends” as the opening quote cites. But then there is that last group of friends – those we call true friends – they are those we have a mutual caring about, and we understand each other’s hearts, and where bonds are formed between us that span any distance in proximity and where the bonds run so deep that no amount of time apart or lack of words will change the way we feel about that friend. I found these true friends when I am in my university. 

These peoples have the most influenced in my life. They brought me up to where I am today. Gave me the courage to continue and bring me to the place that I didn't thought that i could achieve if it's not for them. You remember that time when you're in a pinch and no one near you that could help. These people are the one who will drive for 1 hours to your destination just to help you out with your problems. These people are the one who will be there when you need them. Above all, these people are the people that i treasured the most. 

I put my life around them now. Back in the days, i see friends as if there are people who will leave in a year or two. but now i know, they are people who will stick with you through you days till your days are numbered, people who will have their grandchildren play when your grandchildren and having stories together. They can make us laugh when all we want to do is cry. And no matter how far apart time and distance may cause us to grow from one another, and even if death takes one of them from this world to the next, we always have the comfort of knowing that these true friends are still there for us, even if only in spirit, cheering us on and wishing us the best, because that is what true friends do for each other. “A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation, doesn’t always need togetherness as long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never part…” When someone is genuinely your true friend they leave an impression on your heart that will never go away…not with time and not with distance. True friends secure a place in your heart forever.  I am forever grateful for the true friends in my life, both those who are alive and those who have passed away, thank you so much for being my true friends!

Peoples you know who you are :) I'm truly glad to have you all in my life. 

Wanna kill yourself? Imagine this.

You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you've written and rewritten over and over and over. You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all.
Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinner's ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry.

Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late.

And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn't know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him.

Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn't stop for days. It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn't know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried… your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide.

Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mum got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. I’m here for absolutely anyone that needs to talk, no matter who you are. Even if we’ve NEVER talked before, I’m here for you. Yes, I definitely care. ♥

Credit to Kin Kit for this awesome story

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Hey fellow bloggers! It been long since i  blogged. 

I'm back today, bringing more sweet and sour memories of mine.

You know what brings me back here? Back to blogging again? 

A girl.

Yea, yea. I knoww. You would think AGAIN right? 

I wonder how long it's been since the last girl i go after. 

a year? I think two.

Yea. It's two years. 

She show up in front of me few months ago.

We doesnt know each other at all that time

So, we never talk. not even a greeting.

but one day, we started talking with the weirdest topic.

Im still laughing till now.

On that day on wards, we started talking everyday.

Day and night. each and every day we talk. 

we had fun, we laugh. we care.

Falling in love is unpredictable.

That's why they say you fall in love.

not search for love.

I started to care bout her.

I wanted to make her smile like nobody could ever make.

I want to make her mine but i dont want to hurry

cause i know, hurrying can make things worst

Well, too slow can also make things gone bad.

Ah, yes. Grab your hand. and say you're mine.

No one can ever ever take you away from me.

i always love with all my heart, 

making my other half

as happy as they can be.

I hope it can happen. someday. maybe.

Just a random pic. 

Spongebob. Wheeee. :)

Hey you. Yea, you. 

You have a millions reason to smile.

dont frown. make a reason for yourself to smile.

even when you're having a bad day.

cause the saying goes, 

Whether you smile or frown, you need to go by the day

why  not choose to smile?

I know it's not the time now, 

You clearly tell me that you dont want a relationship now

yet i havent even propose.

Maybe cause of parents, maybe you're not ready.

like i said, i dont mind waiting.

I waited so long for a person like you to come.

i dont mind waiting again.

It's the end of September. Now from October is only half and hour. 

Let's pray for the best in October. MUET exam and more.

Hope everything will go fine.

& Happy Birthday Daddy! :) 

I know you are always scolding and mumbling. 

but i know you love us. 

10 things you need to do when you feel like crap

1. Have a really hot, long shower. Cry if you need to. Sit on the ground. Feel sorry for yourself. Let the steam soak into your skin. Let the hot water wash your face clean. But the moment you turn off that water, you are done feeling sorry for yourself. Make a decision to move on from that sadness.

2. Clean. I know, cleaning is boring and annoying - but how about that feeling you get when you are finished? The smell of the vacuum. That feeling of accomplishment? Who knows, you might even find money along the way. Totally worth it. It’s like starting with a clean slate.

3. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while. If your first choice doesn’t pick up, choose someone else. Ask them all about how their lives are going and tell them about yours. Not only will it take your mind off whatever crappy thing you have been plagued by, but you will laugh with them! Laughing triggers endorphins and endorphins make you happy!

4. Go for a run or a walk. This get’s your endorphins and dopamine going crazy. You will get more energy and more happiness just because the chemicals in your body are running around!

5. Stop and take it all in. Walking in the night? Stop and look at the stars. Breathe in the cold air. Feel alive.

6. Stop whining. Ever heard the saying “love life and life will love you back”? Or, the idea of the power of attraction? It’s true! If you sit around saying “why me, waaaaa waaaa” then bad things will happen to you. You’re already defeated. If you start saying, “I will be happy, I will accomplish my ambitions, I will find love, I do look amazing, I am a great friend” etc., then not only will you start to believe them but you will be amazed at what amazing things start to happen.

7. Drink tea. This always works. Not a tea fan? Try hot water with a slice of lemon and some agave syrup.

8. Make a conscious decision to stop holding certain grudges. We all have people we have held grudges on in the past. Let them go. If you feel like you owe this person an apology, don’t be too proud. Send them a sincere facebook apology. Sincerity is in the intent, so even if it’s a 2 sentence apology - as long as you mean it it’s worth it.

9. Cook some really nice, warm food. Stimulate your taste buds with anything as simple as two minute noodles or as lavish as a three course garlic bread, pasta bake, chocolate mousse triple combo.

10. Write down a list of goals to achieve for the week. As simple as “buy insect repellent” or as large as “jog for 25 minutes non stop” and tick them off when they’re done. You will feel very accomplished and that alone will help pep up your mood!

Who am i, to you

Ever felt so useless and helpless, not knowing what to do? Everything that you do, just doesn't make sense any more..

I feel like I am a nobody any more. I am not saying I am perfect, but I've been trying my best, to be a better person, a better someone for you. But everything I do, just got ignored and not being appreciated. I do not know is that on purpose, but I got a feeling you chose to ignore it for god knows what reason..

I hate how things turned out to be like this. We were once near to perfect. But until one day, everything just screwed up. Maybe it's my fault, or maybe it's yours. But I know one thing for sure. Both of us played a part. I know I am sensitive. But sometimes, it's good to have someone to care for you than someone who do not give any shit about your whereabouts. I just got disappointed again and again.

I am just someone searching the path to be as near to your heart as possible. To feel what you once gave me, to be held in your arms once again. But now it just feels like everything went back to the days when we were just friends. Or maybe worst than friends. What I am asking for is just to feel special for once. The way you treat others just made me feel that they deserve better treatment than me. I just hope everything will goes back to normal..

Because right now, I do not know where I stand..

Credits to Blackalogy. :)

An Ending is always the new Beginning

I never thought this start so early. The pain yet again.

I dream that you'll be in love with me.

I dream that we'll be forever together.

I dream that we'll be forever together.

but all this doesn't seem to be reality.

It's just a dream.

But i'll never stop dreaming

Because i believe

Dream will be reality one day

I look back to the times we use to have fun.

Laugh, smile, pinch and even poke.

Time pass so fast even i cant keep track of it.

I didn't mean to fall in love
but we all make mistakes

Your smile always cheers me up

whenever i'm down.
You'll just cheer me up.

Always putting that smile on your face.
make me smile too

People say

if you are meant to be with each other

No matter what both of you went though

You'll always find your way back to each other.

Is this true?

 Eventually we'll go to a stage.

where everything will be just fine

We'll just go back to our daily life

We'll just be friends.

like nothing happened before.

'Life goes on.'

It always sums out to that.

An ending is always the new beginning.

You say best, when you say nothing at all

The Last Step

Times flied. I still remember the first time we chat. 

The first time you called. We talked for so long.

Calling each other to sleep.

The sweet times we had through phones.

Though we never met that often. I smile when i talk to you.

I always been trying very hard. Just to let you know

That i can do anything just for you.

But you don't seem to notice.

I'm scare you know. That one day you'll no longer talk to me.

That you no longer know i'm here for you anymore.

Getting to know you was the best thing that ever happen to my life so far.

but letting you go, it was the worst.

But, I wasn't left with any choice. I waited you for since July you know.

6 months isn't short. 

I always believe that you're the one for me.

but i don't know what are you thinking.

I'll never miss a day since the day we met.

To say Good Morning every morning, 

and Good Night whenever you go to bed.

whether you are asleep or not.

I'll always remember you. 

till the day i grew old and die with you or without you

I'll always love you. though you forget me in the future.

I wont.

I tried my best to make you smile whenever you are down,

To smile along with you when i'm down.

Hey, thank you for the sweetest memories you gave me.

I smile everyday going to bed because of you.

I go on my life each day because you lighted my life.

I'm so thankful that i got to meet you.

These 6 months had been a wonderful time for me.

I'll remember each and every seconds of it.

I still love you. I'll be there one day when you're ready.